#242 - IM

I truly don't think that I live in a bubble, but sometimes I wonder.  Since my kids have started school, I am amazed at all the different parenting styles.  I guess before I had kids, I never really took the time to think about it.  Then, when Jeff and I started to raise our family, we were fortunate enough to see problems pretty much the same way, and we have common goals and standards for our kids.  This post is about a little boy that was in one of my children's class for a short time.  It really isn't only about him, but about his mother and her parenting style.  Her style is 180 degrees opposite from the way that Jeff and I think and how we are raising our boys.  Let me explain...

It started innocently enough.  A phone call from one momma to another to ask about a homework assignment.  Then a few days later, another call...another question.  This progressed in a few days to another phone call for some teacher bashing and some kid blaming.  I am slow, but I eventually caught on.  Her child was having problems.  So, I casually asked my son, "Do you know IM?"  "Yes, he's bad." my son replied immediately.  "How is he bad?" I questioned further.  "He hit the teacher and he called Chris the a-word."  "Hmmmm," I thought.  Not exactly the story that I was getting from mom.  She was all about the teacher picking on her child, the school not being challenging enough for him and so on and so forth.

And so it went for a few weeks.  I asked a few questions and fielded a few phone calls, but basically my advice to her was, "Go talk to the teacher, I'm sure you guys can come to an agreement.  You both want the same thing...for your child to do great and learn all he needs to in Kindergarten." 

Oh yeah, did I mention it was Kindergarten?  I know that there are a lot of people out there that feel like Kindergarten is where they will start grooming their child into the next President of the U.S. or the next Bill Gates, but really?  I'm sure that some of you blog readers will disagree, but I feel like school and learning are a process and some of you out there who are pushing, pushing, pushing your kids are doing them more of a disservice than helping them.  Don't get me wrong, education, learning, and school are very very important.  But, so are self-control, learning manners, behaving, and learning your social skills.  There are a lot of kids, and parents out there that need to remember the following:
1.  Life is not always fair. 
2.  You do not always get to go first. 
3.  Some days, you don't even get a turn. 
4.  Sometimes you have to wait.  It may be in the cafeteria, it may be the swings, or it may be at Starbucks or at the post-office. 

This is the real world and I feel like the sooner that kids learn that they are not always right, the better off they will be.  I mean let's face it... five year olds don't know more than grown-ups.  Before you believe everything that your five year old says, give the teacher the benefit of the doubt.  Parents who feel like they have to solve every problem for their children by confronting other kids/parents/teachers or even worse, changing schools because they feel their child is being wronged in some way, need to stop and think.  They are the ones that are wronging their children.  (In my humble opinion.)

I'll stop my rant and end the post.  Eventually, this mom, who kept calling me to ask my opinion, had to eat crow, when her little boy took a bite out of my child.  The mom had been telling me how much he loved my child and how he really, really wanted him to come play at their house.  Then, because my child did not sit by him in the cafeteria, he decided that he did not want to be his friend and took a bite.  Those of you who know my children know that they are big boys, and I can tell you that it phased him so little, that he didn't even tell me.  The mom told me and when I asked my son about it, he said, "Yeah, he bit me today (showed me the bruise), but I just told him to quit it and went play with someone else."  :)  I was so proud of him.  Don't cry, don't pout...just don't associate with the kid if he can't behave himself.  You cannot control others, you can only control yourself.  The mom of course wanted to talk the incident to death, I'm sure to try to justify her son's behavior (or lack of).  About a month later, once she ran out of people to blame for all the problems her son was having, she moved him to another school.  Sigh!  All the drama which could have been avoided if she would have remembered the following:

All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten

by Robert Fulghum

Most of what I really need

To know about how to live

And what to do and how to be

I learned in kindergarten.

Wisdom was not at the top

Of the graduate school mountain,

But there in the sandpile at Sunday school.

These are the things I learned:

Share everything.

Play fair.

Don't hit people.

Put things back where you found them.

Clean up your own mess.

Don't take things that aren't yours.

Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.

Wash your hands before you eat.

Flush.

Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.

Live a balanced life -

Learn some and think some

And draw and paint and sing and dance

And play and work everyday some.

Take a nap every afternoon.

When you go out into the world,

Watch out for traffic,

Hold hands and stick together.

Be aware of wonder.

These are all things we need to learn and practice every day.  What a better place school and the world would be if we all did.  Come to think of it, I like the nap and snack everyday part a whole lot!