#316 - Man with Cats

I hate animals!  There, I said it.  I am not a fan of dogs, horses, or hamsters.  But, I especially hate cats!

Just the picture kinda gives me the heebie jeebies!

Anyway, I have made it through 39 years of life, pretty much steering clear of these sneaky beasts, except when I did home health therapy.  You see, not everyone abhors felines the way that I do.  I mean, I really don't get it, but some people love them.  Some people even have more than one of them.  And get this...some people even let them live with them in the house!!!!!!  Gross!!!!!!!

#316 is one of these people.

He was one of my patients and I use to go to his house three times a week.  It was the longest month of my life.  Let me explain.  I would drive up into the driveway.  It was summer and it was 100+ degrees outside.  My patient would be sitting beneath his carport, sweating, while watching about 5-6 cats prowl around, eating and drinking from the food and water bowls that were everywhere.  As soon as I drove up, the cats would come out to greet me.  I will admit, I'm kind of a baby, and sometimes I was afraid to get out of my car.  Once or twice I even honked my horn to scare them away.  I really don't know why I bothered because as soon as my patient got up to move indoors, the cats followed.

So now, here I am, trapped inside with these creatures.  My patient would move to the sofa and lie down to start his leg exercises.  So now I have a decision to make.  Where do I put my purse and clipboard?  I could hold them, but I really need my hands to measure range of motion.  I could put them down, but one time I did that and a cat sat on my purse. I had to kick him to get him off.  I would usually just lean them against my leg, keep one eye on my patient and one eye on my stuff.  Whenever I spotted a cat coming near, I would quickly take a stomp in their direction and disguise it as a stretch.  Every now and then, one would sneak up on me, and as I was squatting down to assist with an exercise, one of the cats would sneak up and rub against my leg.  AHHHHHH!  All the hair on my arms is standing up just remembering.  Totally disgusting!

This particular man was clueless to my distress.  He just let them stalk me.  But, this shouldn't have come as a surprise because they were everywhere.  On the bed, on the sofa, on the kitchen table, and I swear, one day I was leaving and one was on the kitchen counter, eating out of the pot of food that had been sitting on the stove since lunch.  Makes my stomach roll, even after all this time.

Then, to put the icing on the cake...I still had to make my getaway.  My patient was usually too tired to walk me out, so I was on my own.  By the time I left, the cats that stayed outside would usually have taken up space in one of two places.  They would either be sleeping under my car, or sleeping on the hood of my car.  I'm sure his neighbors thought I was psycho as I always started to sing or talk loudly and make sudden noises like "Ha!" or "Scat" as I made my way.

I have no idea what the man's name was, but  I will never forget his pets.  I don't know what gene I am lacking that makes me have such a hate relationships with these animals.  I just know that you could offer me a million dollars to have one in my house for one day, and I would 100% pass.  Honestly!

Okay, just in case I offended any cat-lovers out there...here is a little cat humor:

Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool? She had mittens.

What is a cat's favourite song? Three Blind Mice.

What does a cat do when it gets mad? It has a hissy fit.

What is a cat's favourite colour? Purrrrrrrple!

If there are ten cats on a boat and one jumps off, how many cats are left on the boat? None! They were copy cats.