"In sickness and in health, until death do us part..."
Over the years, there have been so many patients that I have forgotten. There have, however, been some that I will never forget. This is a patient post, but more importantly, an inspirational couple who stand out in my mind, in today's world where divorce is so common.
Mr. and Mrs. GS were not from this area. I cannot remember exactly where they were from, but it was somewhere up North. Mr. S ended up here after serving our country in the military and finding work in the oilfield and he brought his bride along. That was 50+ years ago. They never had children and I never asked why. All of their family lived up North. This meant that they depended on each other. They were very active in their church and while they were not what I would call "lovey-dovey", they were dedicated to each other. Mr. S was a very large man, I would guess he was about 6'3" or so. It was hard to tell exactly because by the time I met him both of his knees were so arthritic and bent, he could not stand up straight. He had also had a stroke which left him with the ability to understand everything that everyone was saying, but the inability to speak or respond correctly to questions. This is not to say that he was not able to express himself. He was still a very proud man and could let everyone know what was what by just a look or the occasional expletive that somehow remained in his vocabulary base.
Anyway, without going into too much medical detail, they came to our office because Mrs. S was getting to the point where she was having a lot of difficulty handling Mr. S. What I mean by handling is that she was at the point where she had to get her 6'3" husband into bed, out of bed, in the tub and out of the tub, in the car and out of the car and so on and so forth. He had lost so much strength in his legs that he was little help, but he tried so hard to spare his wife the burden of his weight that sometimes they ended up in a pile on the floor. There were many calls to Acadian Ambulance to help them get up off the floor, off of the toilet, or out of the car. I recall one story about Mr. S having to stay in the driveway for over 2 hours in the car because they could not get him out.
Caregivers of loved ones who have had major medical incidents may be familiar with this story. What stands out to me is the grace, determination, and tenacity that Mrs. S dealt with the curve ball of her husband's illness. I have seen many, many people throw in the towel early and choose to just give up. Far fewer remember those vows that they spoke so long ago when they pledged to stand by their chosen mate in sickness and in health. It is so easy to hang around when things are easy. When problems are minimal, when life is treating you right. It is an entirely different story to dig in and work it out when the going gets tough. When its no longer about if your spouse remembers your birthday, but if you remembered to give them their medicine. When you have to change their diapers because they cannot make it to the bathroom fast enough. When you have to be their advocate and bring them to doctor after doctor to get them all of the care that they need because they can no longer advocate for themselves.
Ms. S did all of this and more. She kept going and kept fighting and kept trying. There was one time that I can remember that she broke down in my office (out of sight of Mr. S). She cried and had a pity party for about 10 minutes and that was it. I'm sure she had many more in the privacy of her own home, but I can tell that her strength and determination as a wife and caretaker outweighed any selfishness or "Why is this happening to me?" attitude.
Eventually Mr. S passed away. Both he and his wife touched all of us and many of my office staff attended his services. Just recently (about 3-4 years later) we treated Mr. S for several of her aches and pain associated with aging. She is managing as a widow and staying active in her church and visiting her brothers and sisters that are still living. Despite her advanced age, she makes her own plane reservations, drives herself to the airport, and catches a cab to her relative's house.
I guess what impressed me most is her strength of character. There is no room for selfishness in marriage, and there should be a whole lot less selfishness in life. Too many times, people choose to throw in the towel when things don't go their way. They look for the easy way when sometimes the right way may be harder. Parents remove kids from situations that are difficult and in their mind they are "protecting" them. Adults quit jobs because they feel that they are not getting a fair shake. I guess to close my post and my thoughts I would just like to think that I have strength of character. I hope that I am teaching my children strength of character. Dependability...responsibility...committment...in everything that they do in life.
I'm sure Ms. S would be very surprised to read this post. I'm sure that she does not see herself the way that I see her. She was not perfect and I'm sure her marriage was not perfect. Life seldom is. But there are some people who just stand out and their actions speak louder than their words. Mrs. S was one of them and I am glad that I had the opportunity to know her.
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