#365 - Happy Birthday to Me!!!!!

Well, I did it!  I blogged every single day for the last 365 days.  While visiting with a friend this week I told him, "One good thing about having a blogging deadline every single day for the last year...I am ready to turn 40!"  All kidding aside, what a wonderful experience.  I thank my sister for suggesting it to me because in a weird way, it has been my therapy for the last year.  I have been going back and forth between two ways to close out my blog.  One is more serious and heartfelt, and one is funny and sentimental.  I cannot decide which one says it best.  So...I will tell you both of my thoughts.  I love to read and surprise, surprise, both of these thoughts come from books.  Bear with me, the post is long, but for those of you who stuck with me for the last 365 days, I figure you can do so for two more stories.

A couple of years ago I bought a really cute coffee table book called, "I'm not too busy" by jodi hills.  I picked it up thinking that the title was great.  I put in on my coffee table where it has sat for the past three years and not once did I find the time to pick it up and read it.  Pretty funny right?  A few months ago, I was cleaning up some magazines and I found it...dusted it off...and read it.  It make me think, and think, and think some more.  It pretty much put into words what I have so often felt while writing about all of the 365 people that made my blog.  So many friends and so many good times.  These are the things that I cherish.  I sometimes get bogged down with errands, projects, homework, carpool...you name it.  These things are necessary, but they should never take the place of the things that matter.  I would like to share the words of the book with you.

I'm not too busy

by

jodi hills

(totally not my idea to not capitalize, but I figured if I'm going to plagiarize, I better do it exactly)

When we move so fast, we miss so much.

Sometimes, when you're not looking, hours go by.

     - I could have gone for coffee with the same friends I've cancelled on three previous times, but instead wen to the post office early, so I could avoid the traffic and maybe beat the lines, and still got held up behind the accident in front of me.

Sometimes, when you're not looking, days go by.

     - I encourage my microwave to hurry, as I'm checking my e-mail, and talking on my cell phone to my friend who's in her car, rushing to her next meeting, and we're both worried that time is actually speeding up, but we can't get together because...we're...just...too...busy...

Sometimes, when you're not looking, weeks go by.

     -  Calenders get filled, and we have meetings to set the next meeting, and lives are penciled in, easily erased by the next big event.

     -  Birthdays are belated.  Children become adults and grandparents' memories are forgotten.

     -  Holidays are celebrated before and after the actual date, because they just don't fit into our schedules.

     -  Hearts and families are replaced with "we'd really love to stay but" and "hate to eat and run, but" and "I'd love to, but... I'm just too busy."

Sometimes, when you're not looking, years go by.

     -  We have to choose to slow down, to actually see the time and space we're in...  to truly see people and accept them in their priceless moments.

Time isn't speeding up, we are.

     -  We have this urgency, not just to get places, but to get their first...even if it's just ahead of the slow, red car in front that's holding up all the traffic.

     -  There's so much pressure to pick the right line at the bank, or the grocery store, and how dare they have 11 items in the express line, when you are nearing the 14th minute of your 15 minute parking space.

Lines get longer and tempers get shorter and the only thing getting closer is the end of our rope.

     -  We even shorten our words, like thanx, and luv, as if shortening the word, allows us to invest less energy, interest, and time. (That one is for you Genvieve).  I'm not sure how much time we gain by writing two less letters...I'm certain someone has done the mat, created a study, and is now fighting with someone else to prove or disprove the figures...  But I am sure of what is lost, by not taking the time, to   say   the   words   slowly, to write them out fully, and to mean them with all that we are.

I need to stop and see things...too many years have gone by.

     -  To pay attention, to notice people, to care, to have relationships, to see the present, to enjoy the given time as a gift that is given - that changes everything, and slowly I begin to see...

     -  the smiling face that gets a thank you card, the hand that waves as you let me merge into your lane, the person alone on the bench, the heart that feels joy, the mind that seeks peace, the fronts that belong to the backs in the line.

     -  The tears, the anger, the frustration, the glee, the anticipation.

We all want to be seen...we all need to be acknowledged for that moment in time...

     -  that moment in time when you want to share your happy news, or feel the warmth of an unassuming hug, to let out the tears of a skinned knee, to unload the frustration of hurt feelings, or to rest your heart in unjudging hands, to look into someone else's face and know it's more than ok to be you...

We're all asking for a few precious moments, and looking for someone to say, "I'm not too busy."

With all my limitations, knowing that I cannot reverse time, save time, hurry it along, or slow it down...I simply and humbly offer you (and by you, I mean all of you that have read or are a part of my blog) a bit of my time, which is really just a part of me.

If ever, whenever you need me, know, please know that no matter how it appears, I'm not too busy.

 the end

Whew!  Lots of typing, but it really hits home with me and although I can type for days...I couldn't have said it better myself.  OK, for those of you who are still with me...the last thing that I want to say.  I have had many people ask me about my thoughts on turning forty.  "Are you excited?"  "Are you depressed?"  At different points in the last year, I had different answers.  But as I sit here typing with only about 1 1/2 hours before 9/29/10, I can't help but compare turning forty to one of my (many) favorite childhood stories, which was bought and read to me I'm sure first by my mom and then a million more times by my dad in his very best Grover from Sesame Street voice.  The book is called "The Monster at the End of this Book."  For those of you who have never read it, you can click here to hear it in it's entirety.  In a nutshell, it is all about our favorite furry old pal Grover who has heard that there is a monster at the end of the book.  He tries everything to get the reader not to turn the pages so that they will never get to the end of the book.  He nails the pages together, he glues the pages together, and he even erects a brick wall so that the pages cannot be turned.  He stops to tell us frequently, "Did you know that every time you turn another page...you get closer and closer to the end of the this book!  AND THERE IS A MONSTER AT THE END OF THIS BOOK!!!!!!!"  And so on and so forth until eventually...you get to the end of the book and guess what?  The monster at the end of the book that Grover is so worried about????  It is him!  He is not scary...he feels so silly...he is the monster.  There was nothing to be scared of all along.

I think the same can be said for turning forty.  I could try to stop it from coming.  I can Bo-tox and laser peel and run and diet and meditate and pray...but forty was always coming and now it is here.  And guess what?  When I look in the mirror tomorrow morning, I will see that I had nothing to worry about. 

It is just me...simple as that!